The Truth About Amy Rose
by Legolas Nordark
Summary: Sonic and Tails sit down and talk about the cold, hard, reality of Amy Rose. Warning: this story contains a semi-disturbing anaisis of Amy that is 100% true. Read at your own risk.


Amy rose is crazy. What more do I need to say to set this up?!

Disclamer: I have no ownership over SEGA, but do own all the oppinions that Sonic and Tails are about to agree upon.

Oh! Since I've gotten so many reviews posing possible explanations about Amy's body, I'm just gonna say it now: I am writing about the Amy Rose from the game universe. All the comics happen in the satAM universe, so unless you have an explanation from a game or from Sonic X, please don't post a review trying to give a reason to make Amy less creepy. It isn't possible.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Sonic slamed the door behind him as he entered his appartment.

"Tails!" He yelled, huffing like a madman, "I'm home!"

The golden yellow kitesune instantly came out of his room to help put away the grocerys that Sonic had gone out to pick up, but when he saw his blue brother he found the hedgehog's hands empty. Tails just sighed as the two silently took a seat around the table in the kitchenette. Noticing how hard Sonic was breathing, Tails offered to get his brother a glass of water. Sonic accecpted. "Let me geuss," the kit said as he went over to the sink, "Amy?" Sonic olny nodded.

Perhaps a bit of backround would help here. Ever since Sonic and...Sonic defeated the Time Eater, Eggman had been stranded in White Space. With no way to return, the President of the United Federation had officially declared peace. Peace meant no need for a hero, and that meant Sonic was out of the job. The President had supplyed Sonic with an appartment in Station Square, along with a weekly income of 5,000 rings. Sonic had agreed under one tearm: That the appartment was under a false name. The last thing Sonic wanted was an endless stream of fan girls to be showing up at his door asking for autographs and possibly bringing clorophome.

It started out well. Correction: The first 5 minutes went well. Sonic had been checking out the view from the roof when he saw none other than Amy Rose walking on the sidewalk below. How could he have been so stuped?! Amy had lived in Station Square since 1998 (15 human years, or 2 Mobian years.)! Quite a small detal to overlook, eh?

"What the hell is that girl's issue?!" Sonic asked Tails after drinking the entire glass of water in one gulp. "She's been clingy since the molment I saved her ass from Metal! What was she back then, 8?"

Reluctently, Tails nodded. "Ya," The kitsune conformed, "That makes her 12 right now." The two shuddered at the thought.

"That just makes her ten times more creepy than she already is." Sonic said, "That 12 year old is not olny ready to marry, but already having sexual fantisy about me. I'm 16! I'm not ready for this!"

"You forgot the part where she already will practily _clorophome _you if it means having your kids." Tails added. Sonic just gave a hard glare at his brother.

"Don't give her any ideas, kid" He said, razors in his voice.

"Sorry" Tails said, sheepishly.

"Although now that you mention it," Sonic continues, calmer this time, "it's kinda slutty. With Amy it's alwase 'Have my kids', or 'Marry Me'. Somtimes I wonder if she's more into me, or just getting into bed with me."

The two remained silent for a bit. Eventually, Tails just had to ask a question that had been bothering him for some time. "Hey Sonic, what's the growth rate on your body?" This caught Sonic offgaurd.

"Mobian Hedgehogs are at there full size around age 15." He anwsered, "Why?"

Tails shifted uncomfrotibly. "Amy's been fully grown since she was 11." Sonic just shrugged.

"Mabey the girl had a grothspurt?" The azure one offered as an explanation.

"Then what about her boobs?" Sonic just gave his brother a hard look after hearing the kit make this statment. "Wow, that sounded pervy," Tails sad after a minute, embaresed as hell, "But it's a valid point to bring up. She's had those things almost fully develouped since the incedent with Chaos. At that point she was olny 9 years old."

After hearing this Sonic's glare melted into an expression of horror. The azure hedgehog had never really notced, but Tails was right. Amy's breasts _had _been there since there rin in with Chaos back in 1998. The two had olny met once before, but what that meant was that Amy had amlost fully developed her breasts _when she was olny 8 years old_.

"How old was that girl when she started puberty?!" Sonic practicly yelled.

"Well, for femails puberty has been known to start as early as 8. Even so, Mobians grow at a slower rate than humans, meaning that even if breast development was one of the first changes, it should have taken her 2 or 3 mobian years to develop them to the point that they were."

"And then came the fanbase." Sonic reminded, "Fangirls were alwase bad, but I can't believe how much Amy related porn is out there."

Tails nodded. "Ya," the kit added, "I mean, she's helped us and all, but porn of a 12 year old? Man people can be perverts."

"Well," Sonic sumed up, "it just goes to show that if you're annoying enough you can defy the laws of science."

Tails tilted his head. "You, bringing up science?" the golden yellow kitsune asked, "Sonic, You've been giving physics the finger since game 1."

"And I'm proud of it." the azure one replied with a traidmark grin. The two just laughed at this, olny to be stopped by a knock at the door. Sonic got up from the table, and opened it, instantly regretting doing so. There, in the doorway, was Amy Rose and some clorophome, and all Sonic could think was this:

_Someone kill me now_.

X-X-X-X-X-X

Ok, this story was really mature. I know. But everything said is 100% true. Amy Rose, you are one sick hedgehog. And fangirls: PLEASE STOP MAKING PORN OF THE SONIC CHARICTERS! AMY, TAILS, AND CREAM ARN'T EVEN TEENAGERS YET!

R&R!


End file.
